Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn and Cauldron bubble! Welcome to my witch’s kitchen!

Since I have been tormenting my friends with a continuous supply of food-porn they encouraged me to share my kitchen experiments with a wider audience. “You finally need to have a food blog” they said. You may have noticed yourself currently reading a blog. I guess I don’t have to point out a spoiler alert on how this story is ending, do I? Yes, I got myself a blog and here it is. But it isn’t a conventional style food blog.

As if I could be doing something the conventional way, haha. Much to the annoyance of my partner I do not even wear monochromatic socks.

But this blog is not about monochromatic socks. Nor about the sufferings of my partner who has to live with those crazy bitch an totally insane  woman which refuses to obay traditional sock-rules. Oh, wait. Perhaps it is a little about his sufferings. They are usually very funny (at least if your aren’t him) and describe me best.

This weekend I was thinking over this food blog (which should be more than just a food blog) idea. Of course I needed to create a branding. Of course I needed to push too hard and terribly exaggerate. First, because this is part of my personality. Second, because I am a designer and there is some kind of profession honor to stick up with.

Double, Double,
Toil and Trouble,
Fire Burn and
Cauldron bubble!

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Earlier that week I had promised him a quiet and relaxing weekend. No drunk schoolfriends asking him to touch private areas of his body. No chuckling girls watching sex and the city on his side of the bed while he is trying to sleep. No spontaneously dinner parties. No football match to attend in the hooligan-block of the opposing team. No follies. That’s why I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible when I yelled: “Honey, don’t mind but there will be a little mess in a kitchen in about half an hour”. Pattering on the floor. His face (with an expression of terror) appearing in the kitchen-door. I needed to apologize in advance. “Yeah, you are right. It will be a total mess. But I will clean it uuuuuup later ooooon. No reaaaasooooon to woooooorry!” I showed my most beautiful smile. A terrifying creepy smile, if you believe him. He escaped the scene.

About ten minutes later (in which he heard terrible noises from out of the kitchen) I ended up in the door to his office, a shovel in my hand.

“Honey, do you remember that dead blackbird in the yard? Is it still there?”

– Yes, it’s still there darling. —- Wait. What the fuck do you need a dead bird for?

I foresaw his bourgeois doubts and disappeared before he could end his admonition. I can’t stick to rules which I have not heard, can I?

Scrapeing dead birds from the yard unfortunately doesn’t belong to my skill-set. That’s why I ended up in the office door again. Asking for some help. “– No, I of course do not have additional ideas on how to get those bird-skeleton inside”. He wasn’t very helpful. “Do not bring dead animals into the house, okay? At least not in the kitchen”. Oh… ***** !!! I wasn’t fast enough so it was clear that I had heard it. Fuck off.

It would have fitted into the key visual perfectly. Unless the dog was not very helpful too. When I tried to rescue the corpse he tried to eat as much as he could :-(

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.
(Terry Pratchett)

Nevertheless the idea needed to be fullfilled.

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Using my kitchen’s cupboard and no more than the stuff which is always there I was able to create a visual which catches the entire soul of this blog. I tried to visualize a surreal witch’s kitchen scene. Traditional kitchen stuff like spices & herbs are combined with rustic nature as well as mysterious tarot cards (this is the tarot deck I was using for twenty years) and poison of course.

I am not superstitious.
I am a witch. Witches aren’t supersititious.
We are what people are superstititous of.
(Terry Pratchett)

Spices. Herbs. Flowers. Nature. Scents. Perfumes. All of it a little mystic. Luscious. Tempting. Extravagent. Rustic. Dark.

Though the sense of humour is missing. And the faulty english. Well.

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With Salt, Pepper & Poison I want to invite you into my witch’s kitchen. Okay, most of the time we wont stir poisons. Instead the witch the bitch I will share my kitchen experiments (and a lot of surrounding stories) with you.

A woman’s whole life is a history of affection
(Washington Irving)

You can learn more about me & how I became a passionate cook here.

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May I introduce? Myself. The bitch witch woman behind Salt, Pepper & Poison. I don’t have plenty of time left to make a mess in my kitchen so this blog will be about healthy food which is easy to make. I love good food & kitchen parties & beautiful things. So I am not that prototype-chia-seed-lover who can live from tasteless rice cakes for months.

That’s why some of the health gurus out there may feel a little offened by my definition of clean eating. This is were the witchy & bitchy label comes in. I do not care for offical definitions.

To me clean eating is not about abstinence. To me it is about going back to a reasonable nutrition. Having a look on the nutrient table of a frozen pizza will make obvious that this is not a reasonable food. You could argue whether it is food at all. It is reasonable to eat an appropriate amount of tasty and healthy food which supplies you with the nutrients your body needs. Preferably this food is choosen on the current season and what your local environment (which means that you will avoid having a fresh strawberry-salad in middle europe within december) offers.

Don’t eat clean for weight-loose only. Eat clean for being healthy & feeling phantastic.

Ah, and from time to time … eat like a horse. Tons of sugar. Fat. And other crappy stuff. Don’t do it every day. But once in a while you should eat somebody out of house and home. Just make sure you have a gym-date the day after ;)

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Last but not least cooking is about friendship. In my glasses you can spot my two favourite victims :-)

Making a long story short: Welcome at Salt, Pepper & Poison!

Love,
V.

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